Lately, I’ve been feeling run down.
I feel exhausted, burnt out, over worked, and overwhelmed. But I keep pushing. Why? Because it’s a summer job. Because it’s the time I work. Because I don’t during the year.
But I keep forgetting that I deserve rest.
We all deserve rest. And I think my boyfriend is the best at reminding me of this.
I’m not sure if it’s because he grew up differently than I did, or if it’s because he simply understands this purely simple concept that the human race does not understand this idea of rest.
Depending on what you believe, the world was created with a designated day of rest, but still, a lot of us tend to ignore it.
He always reminds me, when I have these periods of defeat, that I need rest to function properly. He tells me about how us – North Americans, Canadians, women (?), people – see resting as the equal to lazy. Our society shames people for taking care of themselves, because resting is seen as selfish and a waste of time. That if you hear that someone is resting, you instantly think that they aren’t living up to their potential or something crazy like that. We think that rest isn’t important, and our society runs off of work all day and rest when you’re dead.
And he’s not wrong.
I tell myself that.
When I’m tired but people are waiting, I tell myself I can rest when I’m dead, and push myself to go because I’m afraid to miss out.
FOMO, is what it is.
I want so badly to be a part of everything that I don’t let myself recharge.
I don’t give myself the time to rest because now is my time to make money.
I don’t rest becasue I always need to be busy.
I don’t rest because I don’t know how to not be busy.
I don’t rest because I dont want to feel rotten and dirty and lazy and like I’m not working hard.
But the truth is I’ve been working hard. I’ve been pushing myself, too hard maybe, and I need to catch up to myself.
I grew up constantly busy, something which my dad never liked. I’ll always remeber him telling me that I need time to “just be a kid”, and while I never understood what that meant, I think I do now.
I think I get why we people need time to relax. Because we can’t do our jobs when we’re so burnt out, no matter what that job is.
Yesterday, I felt like a zombie. If you know me, you know how much I talk. I nearly always have something to say (a habit I am working on) and yesterday I felt mute. I felt like there was an anchor attached to me that I was dragging behind me at all times. I slept for almost the whole day, and then another 12 hours at night. I was starving but too exhausted to make food. I couldn’t look at my phone, couldn’t brush my hair, go for a walk, nothing. I was purely and utterly exhausted. I cried about 10 times from feeling so helpless. I was sleepwalking.
And my beautiful, wonderful, sweet boyfriend just let me. He didn’t make me feel bad for resting. He took care of me, fed me, let me cry, turned off the TV every time I fell asleep, covered me with a blanket, and just let me be the ghost I felt like. And towards the evening, when I finally started to feel a tiny bit better, he reminded me how important it is to rest.
To have days like the one I just had. To sleep, eat, and cry. To relax and not feel bad. To neglect all social responsibilities for one day and to put my mental and physical over anything else.
I typically preach health and wellness and fitness everyday to anyone who will talk about it with me. But this is just as important. It’s important to rest. It’s important to sleep. It’s important to cry. It’s important to recognize it.
Our society does emphasize hard, constant work. Our society does tell us that we can sleep when we’re dead. Our society doesn’t understand. Out society is full of sick people, who overwork themselves to their breaking point and who can’t get better because they don’t let themselves rest. Our society is full of people who work on their death beds, and continue to work when they’re dead. We live in a world full of the walking dead, and while it’s scarier than it sounds, don’t contribute to the problem.
Let yourself rest when you need to. I’m lucky enough to be able to not work for a week, and to give shifts to people who want them, and while I understand that that’s not always possible, try to rearrange some part of your schedule to give yourself a day, a week, or even an hour of rest.
Because you deserve it.
Because the walking dead is a whole lot scarier than the TV show makes it look.
Take care of yourselves, I’m going to take a nap.