Here I am again, sitting under the beaming rays of the sun. This seems to be where I’m writing now-a-days. Or maybe it’s where I’m trying to write but not actually succeeding. I do usually write the best at night, but I think I’m writing out here more because it feels wrong to sit in the beautiful weather and watch YouTube videos or do something that doesn’t fill my cup.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately – what fills my cup. In a time like this, it’s important to know what fills your cup, I think because you’re really the only one, right now, who can fill it.
Last night I thought about making letters to my children. Not that I have any children, but those future, theoretical ones. I want to tell them what I’m feeling right now, and what I wish my mom would tell me or I think sometimes wants to but doesn’t know how to.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too public. Do I share too much? How do you know when too much is too much? I’m comfortable with the amount that I share, but I think because of this, it makes me feel like I can share things that I think about other people and it “not matter” because it’s my opinion. I think I’m wrong, though, because it does still matter. It’s still about someone else. I have so many things that I want to write and vent and lose my shit about, but maybe the internet just isn’t the right place for it.
I’m getting stir crazy. I want to play, be outside with my friends, soak in the moon and stars. I want to live my 20’s. I know they just started, but, it feels like I’m getting cheated of something. How much does that suck? How much does it suck for everyone? Not getting to actually be 21, or 16, or 30, or 50 or whatever the age may be for you. How much does it suck for all of us to be missing out on a year of our lives with our friends, families, other countries, and the friends we don’t even have yet? A lot… that’s how much.
I would love for someone to teach me how to stop thinking so much. I mean, that’s the whole reason I think I can write so well. I have a non-stop stream of thoughts pounding the inside of my skull telling me how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, what I want to say or tell people, and what I want to do next. Sometimes I wish I could just shut her up for a bit and let me ride on cruise control.
Is there such thing as a blog vlog? Would it be boring to read my written down, documented day? All with more detail than you could ever imagine, I mean, if you were to watch it I’d hope you’d get the same sensation.
My family is in battle right now. What I mean by this is a cooking battle. We’re trying to make things fun and divide the responsibilities so each night, one of us makes dinner. We’re doing some fun spins on it, like this week we’re each doing a different culture of food. I got Italian, but there’s also Asian and Mediterranean on the menu. Fingers crossed I win this week. And yes, it is a competition.
Other daily thoughts? I miss my self-tanner dearly. I feel so hideous without it, but it’s so ridiculous to tan, ruin my sheets, and show it off to absolutely no one.
I think that’s it. If you have any fun things to comment, leave them below.
Thanks for reading!