My Heart Goes Out To You

My heart goes out to everyone who’s lost their identity through the loss of their sport. The pain you go through is like no other. When you lose something that’s so close to you, that helped you find yourself, helped you get through so many things, it’s like the death of a loved one. I think it may be just as hard, because you suffer the loss of your coping mechanism, all of the friends and family you made through the activity, and for some, if it doesn’t have a happy ending, all of the memories turn sour too. I’m still bitter. It’s still a sore spot and for right now, no matter how hard I try to make it stop, I can’t. I can forget, momentarily, but it doesn’t go away. I can scream it at the world to try and get it out of my system, but it won’t make it sting less. Time is all that can help me. Still, 2 years later, while it doesn’t seem like a long time, it feels like my whole life has gone by.

I’m a new person now. Things that I’ve done and said are over, and it’s changed me into who I am now. I still like who I am, don’t get me wrong, but there is a part of me missing. Just like everyone else, I’ve tried to fill the void with something “similar”: A different team or place, lower commitment, drop in classes, stopping all together; and none of it is the same. Nothing fits the gap that I need it to, and it’s the most devastating feeling in the world.

So, my heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing the same thing. To all of you who can’t get your groove back, who can’t quite seem to fill the void, and who feel so completely and utterly lost. I know how you feel. I know it so well. I pray that you can find it again, and that you feel loved and secure and happy and safe and energized and everything else that you’re missing right now. Don’t let this be the culprit of your happiness anymore. It’s taken too much from you already.  Time will heal it, but for now, my heart goes out to you.

Creative Writing

4 Comments Leave a comment

  1. This is beautifully written Alex. It breaks my heart to hear you be in so much pain from loosing something that meant so much to you. You meant so much to us. You were so special to me and to all of us. Should you find something, someone, or some place that fills your heart with as much joy as dance did, I wish for you to treat it with respect and most of all positivity. Should you find this love and passion again, hold onto it, learn from your mistakes and turn it into something beautiful- which I can sense is already beginning to happen. I wish the best for you always.

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  2. Dance was your life, your everything, as I saw it. It was a singular massive support, that helped you with so much…and what you seem to say is that you still struggle with the grief, the loss of that positive presence in your life. I hear you, I feel you. I wish it was easier, but its not. Time is a critical component of moving on, but processing and talking can help too!
    You are eloquent with your words, and I’m glad to hear you talking.

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  3. I read this over and over and it broke my heart many tines. I so wish things were different for you because you are amazing and deserved better so much better but just like in your case life is so unfair at tines. I hope with time the issue and the people fail to matter so much and you focus on the wonderful person you are and continue to grow into. Love you always !

    Liked by 1 person

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