My heart goes out to everyone who’s lost their identity through the loss of their sport. The pain you go through is like no other. When you lose something that’s so close to you, that helped you find yourself, helped you get through so many things, it’s like the death of a loved one. I think it may be just as hard, because you suffer the loss of your coping mechanism, all of the friends and family you made through the activity, and for some, if it doesn’t have a happy ending, all of the memories turn sour too. I’m still bitter. It’s still a sore spot and for right now, no matter how hard I try to make it stop, I can’t. I can forget, momentarily, but it doesn’t go away. I can scream it at the world to try and get it out of my system, but it won’t make it sting less. Time is all that can help me. Still, 2 years later, while it doesn’t seem like a long time, it feels like my whole life has gone by.
I’m a new person now. Things that I’ve done and said are over, and it’s changed me into who I am now. I still like who I am, don’t get me wrong, but there is a part of me missing. Just like everyone else, I’ve tried to fill the void with something “similar”: A different team or place, lower commitment, drop in classes, stopping all together; and none of it is the same. Nothing fits the gap that I need it to, and it’s the most devastating feeling in the world.
So, my heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing the same thing. To all of you who can’t get your groove back, who can’t quite seem to fill the void, and who feel so completely and utterly lost. I know how you feel. I know it so well. I pray that you can find it again, and that you feel loved and secure and happy and safe and energized and everything else that you’re missing right now. Don’t let this be the culprit of your happiness anymore. It’s taken too much from you already. Time will heal it, but for now, my heart goes out to you.