What’s Been Going On

Let me preface this by saying that this is hard. I know I literally just wrote a post about writing blog post not being hard or scary, but I partially take it back. Picking a topic is hard. Thinking of something that I think you will all be interested in, or care about and want to share with other people, that’s hard. Remember when I said I want this to be like we’re having a conversation? This blog post may be just that. I want to use my time today to reflect on where I’ve been in my life. In my head. At school. In my bed for a lot of the time. Anyways. Here goes nothing.

Blogging, already, makes me feel really special. It makes me feel like everyone is listening to me. I feel like people care about what I’m saying and, don’t take this the wrong way, but it makes me feel like I have friends. Not that I don’t you know; a girl can always have more friends. And it’s not even that I really want more friends. But I feel like this is that weird topic, that no one ever knows what to say. How do you define if you have a lot of friends or not? How do you even know if the other person thinks you’re friends? Can you have 15, one-sided friendships and think that you have friends, but then none of them actually think you’re friends? Okay, so, I’ve never really had a lot of friends. If I had to count, I think I’ve never had more than 5 REALLY close friends at one point or another. Not that I don’t know more people, or even talk to and share my life and my feelings and thoughts and bla bla bla but, I have 5 people, who yes, have changed over the years, but 5 ish people at a time that I feel extremely comfortable with. I like that, though. I like not having a lot of people to deal with and remember to check in on. I still have to check in with myself, and more friends just makes that so complicated.

Okay, maybe 5 is a lie, maybe I’ve had 10 close friends at one point. Don’t laugh. Maybe I’m introverted, maybe I just like my people, but this, blogging, makes me feel like I have 50 friends. Maybe even 100 sometimes (depending on how many of you read the post).

But no matter how many of you read the blog, I still want to write about interesting things. I want to share my secrets and tips with you. I want to share my pain and joy and sadness and happiness and all of the little weird parts of who I am. But how do I get it all out in an organized manor? I want to talk about my relationship, and how I want to move to every single country all at once. About how I hate working out and also love it so much. I want to make you feel like you’re not alone with the things you think. We all think them. Or at least I do.

Another thing that’s been on my mind recently is how I can’t seem to commit to anything. If you know me, you may be muttering to yourself that this isn’t a new trait and I’ve been blowing off plans with you for years. So what? I’m finally ready to admit it. I make promises to other people, myself too, and just don’t have the guts to make it happen. Being an adult is hard man. It really sucks so far and I’m barely there. Making decisions and having self-accountability? No thank you. So far this year, I’ve been noticing how much I’ve been putting on my plate. I had a good long cry the other night because brushing my teeth with an electric toothbrush was too much work. Don’t worry, I still brushed them, but I had to go manual.

I also want to use my time here to write a diary entry about school.

Dear school,

Right now, you really suck. You are hard, you are boring, and you have some very long hours. I wish I could break up with you, school, but unfortunately you have all of my (mom’s) money, and I can’t do that.

So many of us understand how taxing school is on our system, but I feel like so many people don’t do anything to take care of themselves when things start to go downhill. For example, exam season is basically synonymous for insomnia, and the closest thing to “whole foods” that most students eat is a whole pizza. So here, my friends, are 4 of my very best tips on how I keep myself together (or as best as possible) during school, especially when I’m grumpy.

  1. Take a shower

It sounds stupid, and maybe this is a me thing, but when I feel like my life is falling apart, all I can bring myself to do is stand under hot running water. When all else goes wrong, I know I can’t mess up being clean. Maybe add a little fake tan in there, shave your legs, and a face mask to take it home. Not only does this waste a good hour of my life, but it helps me feel like something is going my way, even if it’s just that the water temperature stayed the same for the whole duration of my shower. Being clean, I feel like I can take on the world.

2. Go for a power walk

Power walk, gym, HIIT basement workout, running laps in the backyard, I don’t care. It’s very rare that I bring myself to workout when I feel funky. I usually hit the gym when I’m running high on motivation, so it takes a lot for me to want to work out sometimes. But again, having this alone time, I blast my music and present that no one else is around, and I basically sing myself to do whatever I need to do. This helps me remember that literally nothing matters. Dog ate your shoes. Avril Lavigne. Failed a test? Adele. Burnt the chicken you were cooking for dinner? 6lack. Anyways, moral of the story is get a little sweaty and conquer your day.

3. Make my bed

Plain and simple. Make it. It takes like 30 seconds. Then someone walks into your room and thinks, “wow, they’ve got it all together”. And then suddenly they’re asking you how you’ve become so organized and you’re making up a list of things in your head to try to explain it.

4. Sit on the floor under a blanket until I hear a noise

I can’t tell a lie. This has been my go-to lately. Honest to god, my dog thinks I’m crazy. But this is what has been helping me. It’s basically meditation. I sit there, no phone, no music, no people around, and I just close my eyes or stare at a wall and just think about every single thing that sucks. I think about all of them, hard, and then I remember one good thing. It can be the next episode I’m about to watch on Netflix, the bagel I have in the freezer, or something really good like my amazon package arriving later that day. That one little good thing *usually* motivates me to at least get up and fold the blanket, even if I just sit back down on the couch. But sometimes I just get up and start my day and thank myself for being such a diva.

If this is your first time to my page, thank you for being here, reading through this post and supporting me by visiting my blog! I still have a lot of work to do but your support means more than ever. Until more parts of my blog are up and running, follow me on my Instagram, @allexxyoung so you can find all of my updates about GirlBoss Pending, and my life! Leave a comment below (they’re private, and only shared with me!) and let me know if there’s anything you want me to write about, if you have any suggestions for me, let me know what you thought about this post, or you can comment too if you just want to leave some kind words! I appreciate you always, go be the best!

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